Chapter 797: The Embrace Has Long Since Lost Its Warmth (Part 1)
Chapter 797: The Embrace Has Long Since Lost Its Warmth (Part 1)
The words Seiko Kirigiri spoke at this moment were calm in tone, yet to Hibiki Naegi, they felt like a glaring beam of light, bright enough to illuminate every dark corner of her heart.
Her feelings toward Seiko Kirigiri were unbearably complicated. They were a twisted mass woven from guilt, shame, apology, and a refusal to admit the truth.
For a split second, Hibiki thought Seiko already knew about Eiren Kanagawa. Standing before her, she suddenly felt like an unforgivable criminal. She did not want to admit anything. She had no idea how she could ever earn Seiko’s forgiveness. All she wanted was to escape—escape from Seiko’s gaze as quickly as possible.
"Wh-Why are you suddenly asking that?"
Hibiki’s voice had turned stiff and slightly hoarse. The moment she finished speaking, she regretted it. She was afraid that Seiko’s next words would be the very answer she least wanted to hear.
"Last night, I had a nightmare..." Seiko said slowly.
"A nightmare?" Hibiki asked, confused.
"Last night, I dreamed that you suddenly told me we were breaking up, and then turned around and got together with another woman. It’s strange. In the dream, my impression of that woman was incredibly clear and vivid.
After all, she was my rival—the one who stole you from me. Of course I would remember her clearly. So clearly that I remembered her hair color, her hairstyle, her voice, her tone, her makeup, even her name.
But when I woke up, only a few minutes later, I could no longer remember what she looked like.
When I tried to recall her, all the details of her appearance became blurry. Yet the feeling she gave me remained especially clear—like the instinctive alertness an animal feels toward its natural enemy."
"W-What kind of feeling?"
As Hibiki listened to Seiko’s deliberate narration, cold sweat slowly formed along her back. When she heard Seiko say she could no longer remember the woman’s appearance, Hibiki inexplicably let out a subconscious sigh of relief.
But when Seiko reached her final sentence, her heart tightened again.
"The first thing I felt was disgust. Such intense disgust that I wanted to push her off the platform at the very moment the train was about to enter the station. If pushing her from behind didn’t guarantee I could send her down one hundred percent, then I would wrap my arms around her from behind and fall off the platform together with her."
Seiko spoke slowly, her tone so flat it was as if she were telling a story that had nothing to do with her.
Yet the content of her words made cold sweat pour down Hibiki’s back.
Whether out of fear that Seiko might truly do something reckless, or from an instinctive urge to defend Eiren Kanagawa rising within her heart, Hibiki forced herself to stammer despite her nervousness:
"M-Murder... isn’t allowed!"
Faced with her sister’s tension, Seiko gazed at Hibiki with a slightly blank expression for a moment. Then the corner of her lips curved into a faint smile, as though she had seen through something.
"Don’t worry. How could I possibly do something like that? Besides, I’m just describing how I felt in my dream last night. What does a dream represent? To some extent, it represents something virtual. So just listen and let it pass. There’s no need to take it to heart, understand? Sister."
"U-Understood."
"Then I’ll continue."
Seiko smiled faintly and went on.
"After the disgust came a deep sense of powerlessness. Although I can’t remember most of the details of last night’s dream anymore, whenever I try to recall it, that feeling of helplessness lingers in my mind like a nightmare that refuses to fade.
In the dream, that woman was hundreds—no, thousands—of times better than me in every aspect.
And I don’t mean in terms of appearance. I mean her mature temperament, her abilities. The art theory knowledge and painting guidance you want so badly—she could provide them effortlessly. She could even help you pass the art entrance exams with ease and enter the prestigious university of your dreams.
All of her strengths seemed tailor-made just for you.
I don’t remember what her profession was. It seemed like she was someone who taught and nurtured others. Combining that with the impression that she could give you art theory and painting guidance, she was probably an art teacher.
Does what I’m saying sound exaggerated?
But that’s the feeling she gave me. I’m simply doing my best to describe, word for word, the emotions I can still remember.
Dreams really are strange. In the dream, the memories feel so vivid. Yet after waking up, they become hazy, as if in a few more days I’ll forget them entirely.
That’s why I chose to tell you now. I’m afraid that after tonight, when I wake up again, I’ll have completely forgotten."
At this point, Seiko raised her head and quietly looked at Hibiki, waiting for her response.
Hibiki’s legs suddenly felt weak. She did not know whether Seiko’s dream was merely a coincidence, or whether Seiko had already formed suspicions deep in her heart.
The two possibilities tangled in her mind, leaving her unable to determine which was true.
Even though she was still wrapped in the thick padded coat Seiko had draped over her while she slept, she could no longer feel a trace of warmth.
On the contrary, the way Seiko was looking at her—so calm—felt to Hibiki like two icy spikes slowly pushing forward, piercing through her flesh, tearing open her skin, exposing the darkest and ugliest thoughts in her heart.
Hibiki did not want to think anymore. All she wanted was to run—to escape entirely from the range of Seiko’s gaze.
Seeing that Hibiki had not responded for a long time, Seiko seemed as though she had already known no response would come. No particular expression appeared on her face. Or perhaps those complicated and twisted expressions had already surfaced when she had been alone. What remained now was only an ashen calm.
Seiko knew better than anyone that if they continued like this, even after another hour of silence, Hibiki still would not give her an answer. And the love Seiko held for Hibiki made it impossible for her to force a response from her, even in such an atmosphere.
It had been Seiko who first brought up this topic. Now, it was also Seiko who chose to end the silence between them.
As if exhausted, she closed her eyes. Her body seemed to lose all support as she leaned forward, falling into Hibiki’s arms.
As she always did, Hibiki wrapped her arms around Seiko.
Seiko opened her eyes slightly within that embrace.
Is it my imagination?
She asked herself inwardly, then softly asked Hibiki as well,
"Is it just my imagination? It feels like... your embrace isn’t as warm as it used to be."
Seiko’s gentle words made Hibiki’s body tremble uncontrollably. Forcing a stiff smile, her voice rigid with poorly concealed falseness, she said,
"M-Maybe it’s because it’s a bit cold today. Look, I’m even wearing a thick padded coat. The temperature’s been dropping for days now."
Seiko remained silent, listening to Hibiki’s strained attempt at cheerfulness. She slowly closed her eyes again. This time, the pause as she shut them seemed as though she were swallowing her tears with effort. After a long while, she spoke once more.
"Yes. I know. That thick padded coat you’re wearing... I was the one who put it over you while you were asleep."
"..."
Hibiki fell silent. She would rather have been mute at that moment. That way, she would not have to struggle over what words she should use to respond.
They remained locked in that embrace—one that had long since lost its warmth—for a very long time.
Until Seiko, as if trying to salvage something, asked again,
"Do you want to?"
As she spoke, she began unbuttoning her sleepwear, one button at a time, the faint rustle of fabric filling the air.
Hibiki parted her lips, clearly struggling.
Seiko continued undoing the buttons while waiting for her answer.
"S-Stop..." Hibiki said, her voice trembling.
"Hm?"
Hibiki’s words had been too indistinct. Even at such close distance, Seiko had not heard clearly.
So Seiko leaned in closer. Her sleepwear looked as though it might slip down from her snow-white shoulders at any moment as she asked softly,
"What did you say? I didn’t catch that."
It was only a simple question.
Yet in Hibiki’s eyes, it became like a matchstick that might ignite a fuse at any moment.
In her panic and confusion, Hibiki suddenly pushed Seiko away with force. The embrace that had already lost its warmth vanished instantly. The closeness between them was replaced by cold air in a single breath.
Failing to control her strength, Hibiki shoved Seiko—who had just thrown herself into her arms in a desperate attempt to mend things—straight back.
Caught completely off guard, Seiko staggered. Her calf struck the vertical edge of the coffee table.
A sharp pain shot through her. After letting out a cry tinged with a sob, her legs gave out and she collapsed onto the floor.
The pain seemed to drain all strength from her body. She lowered her head in silence, loose strands of hair falling to cover every expression on her face.
"S-Seiko, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—" Hibiki hurried forward, intending to help her up.
But before she could reach her, Seiko had already stood up on her own.
After rising, Seiko cast Hibiki a distant look. In that instant, something flickered across her face—an expression impossible to describe in words.
Entangled in anxiety, guilt, and the urge to flee, Hibiki felt as though both her mouth and her mind had rusted over. Even her apology came out incoherent.
As she stammered through her chaotic apology, Seiko suddenly spoke.
"It’s fine. I just didn’t have my footing earlier. Maybe it’s because it’s so late and I haven’t slept yet. I’m probably just lacking energy."
"Seiko..."
Hibiki knew very well that Seiko was making excuses for her—this ’unqualified’ lover of hers. She would rather Seiko pounce on her and beat her, or curse her harshly. At least then her heart might feel a little lighter.
But Seiko did neither. Instead, with simple words, she covered up and concealed Hibiki’s stiff and hurtful behavior.
Standing once more after having fallen, Seiko looked at her again with the same calm gaze as before. Her face was close to Hibiki’s, as if she were not afraid at all that Hibiki might suddenly push her away again.
Or perhaps Seiko had already decided in her heart that even if she were pushed away again, she would simply stand up again. Just like now.
Merely being stared at by Seiko’s calm eyes left Hibiki at a loss, unsure what expression she should wear. Though there was no mirror nearby, nothing to reflect her image, she knew her face must look terribly stiff.
It felt as though...
A mirror.
Yes, like a mirror.
More precisely, like a wall that resembled a mirror.
At some point, a thin, luminous wall like a mirror had seemed to rise between her and Seiko. It made Hibiki acutely aware that her expression must look rigid.
What exactly did her face look like? Without a mirror, she could not know. But she was certain that every inch of her skin felt taut with strain, making her expression unnaturally stiff and even ridiculous.
Of course, it would only look ridiculous to outsiders.
To Hibiki and to Seiko, that expression only seemed to push the atmosphere between them further toward freezing, just as it had begun to warm.
Or perhaps this love of theirs—one that could never be acknowledged by the world—would never truly warm again.
"Good... night."
No matter how many years passed, no matter how much she grew older, Seiko was still like she had been as a child. Whenever she returned to her bedroom to sleep, she would say "Good... night" with utmost seriousness.
Even if she had already said it once before, if she felt it had not been earnest enough, she would say it again, properly and carefully.
"Mm. Get some rest... In a few days, school starts again. You should adjust your sleep schedule. It’s not winter vacation yet."
Hibiki did not look at Seiko’s expression. Even though it was only the two of them, she habitually adopted the tone of an older sister, deliberately speaking words of concern as though their relationship were perfectly normal. That ordinary reply sounded painfully stiff.
—
—
40 Advanced Chapters Available on Patreon:
Patreon.com/DaoOfHeaven
NovelKBC